For some poeple when it comes to college things dont change much. They stay close to home, make frequent visits back, and see the people that they're familiar and comfortable with. For others, things change drastically.
When my best friend (at the time) went to college, I thought we'd stay in touch. It never happened. He always managed to be too busy or too caught up in his own thing, never enough time to just keep me up to date with his life. At first, it sucked getting used to that. But, as time went on I just developed closer friendships with the people around me, and eventually our friendship, with some of our memories, faded away. Long gone were the drives in the car for pizza, gone too were the long talks about life and friends. It all went away. I remember promising myself that I wouldn't do this to my best friend, that college couldn't change much because once a friend always a friend to me. I'd been pretty successful up until this point...
The friendship I was trying to preserve was the most colorful friendship anyone could ask for. It had ups and downs, fun and boredom, happy and sad, but most importantly it had memories. It's hard think that our friendship won't be like the memories anymore. We won't get to explore our personalities anymore, we won't be up to date with each other, we won't be as comfortable with each other, and we might not be able to act like kids around each other much longer. It's hard to realize that it's time to let go of those times and come to terms that, hey, what we experienced was good for what time we had, but someone else has to step in. Someone else has to take her spot. Someone else. New memories, new personality, new friendship, new everything.
Now it's time to move on to my new life. High school is over - as dearly as I loved my friends there, none of it is the same. I won't be there often enough to hold close, meaningful friendships, only casual catching up and talking. And this is definitely different than those friends you see daily.
I've realized my focus should be on my college friends. I've been expanding my friend group to the best of my ability, but building friendships is weird in college. It's different, and I don't know if I've got the hang of it yet. But hey, it's only freshman year and I've had some big obstacles to overcome, and I still do. Namely my surgery tomorrow. I'm hoping this is the last test, I think I'm just about ready for anything now.
So maybe this is a downer post, but it's more of a realization for me, a realization that I can't stay attached to the past, no matter how wonderful it may be to go back. It's about going forward, and having your past to help you grow and overcome. And it's good, because I'm pumped for this summer. Maybe it's time for new people, it should be refreshing, not hard like I'm making it out to be.
*side note*
I guess this is my homesick post, I just never admitted that I was homesick. Well, more so "friend sick."
Closing remark:
Friends of the past, I appreciate and love you all for shaping me to where I am today. I couldn't have asked for better friends to have spent my days with.
Friends of the future, I'm excited to meet you (or get to know you better if we've already met). I'm excited to see where we go in our times together, however long our friendship may be. And I'll let you all know, from this point forward I'm going to try and be the best friend I can possibly be. And maybe, just maybe one day you'll do the same for all of your friends. Whether or not I'm one of them at the time doesn't matter - so long as it happens.
Thanks for the read.
Below are some shout outs:
I loved:
5
Long talks
Opening up
Meaningful moments
Crying with you all
Acting young and free
Being rebellious
Sticking it to a religion
Fighting for what we wanted, not what was expected
Being your neighbor
My first time (and the music)
Sharing music
Curtains
TCWOWSA
And many other memories... They'll be with me forever.
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