What you're reading is RAW

To all my readers out there, I'm letting you know that all my posts are a single stream of thought, bouncing from one topic to the next. This might make some of my writing confusing, but it also makes my writing more honest. Also, I rarely go over and review what I'm posting, so everything you read is first draft material.
I learned in English about first drafts and how you're supposed to just write and get all your thoughts down, but I never really applied it to my blog. Looking back, I now wonder why I wasn't inspired to start blogging again. It gets my raw ideas onto the page and gives me time to think to myself. Also, the fact that others can see it and possibly enjoy my work makes me want to start another blog, but have it take a different perspective. This one is my unprofessional, personal blog with a mission of keeping me sane. Basically this blog is geared towards close friends who like me enough to keep tabs on my life, people who want to find out how insane and/or confusing I really am, or people who like to read minds. Because if you read this, you're kinda reading my mind - and I'm okay with that.

Free Write

Its been quite the summer so far. Living on my own being away from my home friends is a challenge. I miss the people here daily because I have such a great time with them and a good past to reflect on. We always have a good time together, even if we're hanging out and talking. This is because I get really good comfortable energy from these people. We all enjoy our presence so much that we don't want to leave, we want our times to continue together.

It sucks being away from your most favorite people on the planet, but I know I have to find more close friends. I have close friends, and i love them, but something seems to stop me from being 100 percent for my new friends. I can enjoy myself a to a certain point, but then something kicks in and I'm down for the count. I get quiet, I get reserved, and worst of all I get stuck in my head. Every time I'm back home I try to think of what I say and do and feel in the moment talking with friends. What I'm starting to realize is that I just don't feel stress.

I've overcome stress and anxiety before. It really just comes in waves. I just have to consciously make myself jump back into the moment. No more thinking. Just respond.
This is why I need improv. I need to get my skills back again. I need to feel comfortable with putting myself out there in a completely new place. I thought I'd be fully adjusted and ready for this new environment by the end of freshman year, but I feel like I still have learning to do. I also feel like I have lots of responsibilities now, and that doesn't help much.
I guess I want to find my passion. I want to find something that excites me and gets me out of bed, looking forward to the day ahead. I need positivity, security and safety before I can really open up. I forget how I did it in high school. I remember it being a really big change for me that started with improv and continued through my first relationship. I guess in the meantime I'll keep my head up and look forward to finding my place at college. Maybe I'll find someone who will make me happy soon. I just need to figure out a few things, such as what exactly I want from a relationship. Maybe I'll do see writing on my flight.

Oh yeah, my flight. 
I can't believe I'm leaving for Florida in 4 hours. My cruise ship sets sail Monday, and I'll begin experiencing something not many other people have the opportunity to experience. I'm excited. I need to stay that way, because I'm going to be talking to and meeting a ton of people. Let's hope my memory can sustain this.

Oh man I smell pancakes. I'm definitely home right now. It reminds me of vacation weekends some time ago. I really want to ask for a week off before school starts up to say my big goodbyes to my friends.

Gah growing up is hard. I liked things more when everything was easy and change came slowly.

Float on with good vibes

If you go at life with an attitude of "it'll all work out" a lot of things become easier. The first thing I noticed is that things end up just working out for the best no matter what. Somehow, for me, if I leave flexibility for change things work out. Especially without over thinking . Most of the time when I stress out about something I get over obsessive about it, over think it, and generally end up with no conclusion. Now I try to think of things as they arise, stay current, and stay aware. Because if you make every moment it's best, then there won't be a bad one.
I've also started a new habit of saying "yes" to things much more often, no matter what the situation. If I can take the current mood and feel of the moment and make it better by "yes, and-ing" I'll have then improved my life and someone else's. The way this system is related to the prior system is because if I keep saying yes things balance out.
For example, let's say I'm with friends, just hanging out, and i get asked to go somewhere else. I say yes to that. As I tell my friends I'm heading out, they say stay for a little bit more. So, change of plans I say yes to that, stay, and then move on to my other plans.
That's just one simple example, but it's made my plans' timing work out perfectly, just about every single time.

So, after testing out this new strategy of staying in the moment, along with the added incentive to say yes to things, I've been feeling my mood get better. I think about more positive thoughts, say more positive things, and give off a more positive vibe. It's all related, and this is another one of my new life enlightenments.

Programming is Amazing.

     This isn't what I intended on posting next, but I'm just going to jot down some ideas in between programming, because it's just so cool.

       Everything has to be flawless because then the code can be reused and actually readily available. If a program can do what it's name says it should be able to do, you'd think anyone can use it, right? Since they -

Damnit. Roomate walked in with his program and now I lost my train of thought.

       To me, sharing really is the way to go. Humans know how to do it, let's do it more often. That's what Open Source software accomplishes. Anyone can go ahead and use it, it's free. 

        Open-source software (OSS) is computer software with its source code made available and licensed with an open-source license in which the copyright holder provides the rights to study, change and distribute the software for free to anyone and for any purpose. Open-source software is very often developed in a public, collaborative manner. Open-source software is the most prominent example of open-source development and often compared to (technically defined) user-generated content or (legally defined) open-content movements.

        A report by the Standish Group (from 2008) states that adoption of open-source software models has resulted in savings of about $60 billion per year to consumers

For more information, click here.

Crazy, right? People working collaboratively even though they don't know each other nor directly benefit by helping? What has this world COME to?

It's called making a better future. Research. Development. Technology. That's where it's at people, not making a quick buck. In the long run, being personally prosperous is so selfish. Create and make things because they help people become happier. Not only does it help others, it also helps yourself since you invented the damn thing. So now you're happier because you have this thing that helps with a stress of yours, of saves you time in your day, so that you can now develop more things faster. Does that sound like exponential growth - or rather, Moore's Law to you?

Right now, we need to work on transfer speeds, and the rate of finding data. Solid State Drives (SSDs) are the future, people. If we can get SSDs cheap, we can transfer information at faster speeds. Add into the mix efficient Remote Direct Memory Access (RDMA) and we have ourselves picking up the slack on the processing power for transferring data. Now start thinking about the speed of light. Kinda really fast, right? Yeah, now put that speed into a goddamn cable. We call that Fiber Optics.

Why haven't we combined all of this yet?

(Hint, it's green, has a unique scent to it, and is all over the news.)

You guessed it, MONEY!

All of that stuff costs a lot of it! And guess what? In our society we've made the saying "Money makes the world go 'round" absolutely true. Good ol' society. Letting certain people have what they want just because they decided money was a good thing. I'm not arguing that it's bad, but dealing with money could be thought of differently, and if people took a different attitude towards money, maybe then we could collaborate and come together for science. 

Food for thought:

Now apply all of this to organic materials. This is known as Organic Computing.

I should make this into a TED talk, or something of the sort. If anyone honestly agrees with me, post here.

Quality Over Quantity

I have an insane blog post I'm working on, be patient people and I'll have a nice, understandable product that can hopefully blow your mind.
In the meantime, listen to the album Kinetic by Phutureprimitive. I just listened to it on my speakers today and it was awesome.

Really Advertisements?

Okay, Spotify. We have an issue.

I just heard an ad for mac and cheese bowls that are microwavable.
But the way they advertised it was in such a way that they assumed they knew my life.
The ad went something like this
"It's after seven and you're still at work listening to spotify? Looks like you're going to miss dinner with the 'fam! Try our product, it's microwavable, and easy to make! This product is made for nights just like this."
The point I'm trying to make here is that this ad assumed I was A. At work at 8 o clock, somewhere which, I don't really want to think about being at the moment, B. Assumed I was a father and had a family of mouths to feed. C. It assumed I'd eat mac and cheese and let my kids eat it. Or even me, for that matter.
The target audience is wrong.
I don't know, maybe some adults just love listening to dubstep, dnb, trance, dance, electronic, you name it.
But still, maybe your target audience shouldn't be frequent music listeners, I don't know.
Or at least make sure I listen to the Beatles or something before assuming I have a family.
Advertise to me better please.
Thanks.

Bittersweet

Sometimes I feel this is the case for me, but in the end the nice guy finishes last. Looking back at the ladies I've dated, I'm proud to have been with them. Relationships are about quality, not quantity. For those who think otherwise... well, you'll figure it out eventually.